I searched for healing. And found myself.
“I am not who I think I am. And I am not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am.” – Thomas Cooley
Scary huh?
Yes, but it also means that you have the power to change the perception of yourself. You have the power to create yourself and your future. And that is how you free yourself from everything you once believed about who you are and why you are here. It’s the simple truth, yet, not easy to uncover.
I want to be completely honest with you. My story is not a story that can be written down very easily. There were times during the last couple of years, where I had trouble getting out of bed and falling asleep at nigh. A shallow, empty feeling in my body, while my mind was loaded with so many devastating thoughts. I didn’t even feel any pain – just numbness. Unable to move neither body nor mind.
I felt like a prisoner in my own body.
Didn’t like the way I looked. Didn’t like the way I behaved. I went though a period of mistreating both my body and mind. Sometimes it was better, sometimes worse.
When I started getting professional help, changed my diet, moved my body regularly, and slowly stared healing, anxiousness and fear overcame me. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think straight during the day. I was just functioning. Working like a maniac, constantly distracting myself from what was truly going on. Until one day, where I decided that I didn’t want my life to go on like this. I decided to change – for real.
So instead of distracting myself with work and social media, watching everybody else live their life but me, I decided to truly disconnect and reconnect back to myself.
Most people tell you that it will get worse, before it will get better. But for me, this wasn’t true. I actually fell worse when time passed by. Facing my deepest fears that had long been buried. So much pain that I was suppressing for too long.
The scariest question to face:
Who am I – the real me?
I could tell you that I am a Psychologist, certified Nutritionist and Yoga teacher, but these are all just social identities of who I have been conditioned to be. So honestly? I still don’t know. But I am on my way to figuring it out. And you will be the first to know. I promise. Until then I want you to know that:
Change can be scary
Doing things for the first time or stepping into the unknown can be pretty frightening. I’m talking from first hand experience here.
There may be obstacles outside of you that are stopping you from moving forward.
There are almost certainly obstacles inside of you from changing.
The truth is:
The first thing to change your reality is to SEE your reality.
You have to first be aware of where you are and what you truly want! Is it health, love, a sense of belonging? Next, you have to be willing to take action, to move out of your comfort zone and to face your fear to increase your courage and self confidence in a way that stays with you. You have to be willing to take the punch and risk some emotional pain (for a while). There is no way of getting around that.
And I won’t lie to you. Sometimes it will suck. You will go to bed and feel sick to your stomach and just hope the day will end. But many times you will feel great as you just move over that invisible barrier and face your fear.
How to overcome these “challenges”?
You guessed it:
There is no simple short cut to success (even if there are still many people out here telling you exactly that!)
The truth is:
You will not get it just by reading these words and all the other things by people who have said the same thing for centuries. You will get there by consistently sticking to your daily actions that will bring you the big results. Your mind has to experience failure – or the possibility of it – over and over to make the fear of failure a lot smaller. By changing your perspective to a more curious one and seeing failure more as a learning experience than something to fear it becomes easier to handle.
You can read another self-help book, listen to another podcast or watch another YouTube video, but the real change happens when YOU do the work. Trust me, I did all of the above and guess where it let me to? No where.
But how do I start?
The most common question I receive is: “How do I start healing. How do I start changing my limiting beliefs?”
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I’m probably one of the few to admit that it’s NOT a sexy answer. It’s not a quick fix – done – healed (even if I wish a simple time-off would do the work). It will take consistency and commitment (two things our ego dislikes most.)
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I began my healing/transformation journey by learning to be really conscious in the present moment. Sitting with my feelings even when my ego was seeking for permanent distraction. I’ve learned that sitting with your toxic feelings – as painful as it can be – will bring you the freedom you are seeking for.
The only way out is in.
I slowly committed to keeping one promise to myself: to EAT. MOVE. MATTER – every single day. I kept that promise no matter what, and when I didn’t keep it, I kept moving. Every time I “failed”, I reminded myself I had tomorrow. I kept that promise over and over again. I still do. ⠀⠀
Then I added more promises. I re-built my foundational habits, which is the rebuilding of the self. Repetition and consistency are the key!
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It’s a slow journey. I’m still unlearning old destructive patterns and re-learning new supporting ones everyday. And please, let me remind you to CELEBRATE YOUR small VICTORIES too. You woke up 10 minutes early to journal. Celebrate. You walked around the block. Celebrate. You talked honestly about your feelings. Wow that’s a big one. CELEBRATE. You made yourself a delicious meal. Celebrate. Do not allow your mind to dismiss what’s yours to own.
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This is the path.
Trust it.
Slow and steady.
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Speaking of promises, I’m keeping a promise I made to myself to show up more regularly and honest on Instagram this month. Honesty is the key! (And it’s the only thing that will set you free!)
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I’d love for you to make a promise to yourself today – no matter how big or small.
Are you scared?
Don’t worry, I’m much more scared than you are.
But, you know what?
… I’ll do it anyway.
Baby steps are the key to big results
Instead of making a big list of what we should do, sometimes we need to go back to basics and keep small (but big) promises to ourselves.⠀
Our healing/transformation journeys can be exhausting. Often we feel drained and overwhelmed, pushing us to consider “f****-it” mode. This is usually a sign that we are trying to do too much at a time. Our brains are used to doing things a certain way, when we try to introduce too many things that place us in uncomfortable situations, we have a tendency to shut down.⠀
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At this point it can be really useful to slow down, back up, and keep it simple. Small but repeated behaviors are so underrated! Through their mighty ways they have the potential to throw off cycles and provide proof of our ability to create meaningful change.⠀
These are a few small promises I’m keeping to myself this month:
I continue journaling first thing in the morning, as I can already feel that the moment of stillness is making an impact on my mood. Also, I will continue moving my body daily practicing gentle Yoga and breathing techniques. And finally, I will try to impact at least of life a day. How? I gift strangers with a smile, help out with some minor work for free, or take care of the household. (remember those small promises?)
Slowly but surely I can see the results starting to show and I cannot wait to finally be ready to teach what I’ve learned to others one day.
Until then I want you to know that if you struggle like me; i see you, i feel you, and I believe you. Always.
10 tips on healing yourself
- Start by making small promises in your life. Remember: Micro changes will get you macro results.
- Don’t try to do it all at once. Healing takes time. Learn to be patient.
- Start taking responsibility for your actions.
- Allow yourself to feel your hurt. Sit with your feelings. In vulnerability lies so much strength (this is one of the most important ones).
- Let go of toxic relationships.
- Surround yourself with people that support you.
- Work with a holistic coach/healer/psychologist to guide you. I think it is so important to have someone you gives you the advice that is needed for your individual needs.
- Take your time to get to know yourself. Ask yourself: “Who am I at the soul level?” Go deeper than your social identity of who you have been conditioned to be.
- Practice forgiveness towards yourself and others. Ask yourself: “Who in your life has hurt you that you need to forgive?”
- Practice healing your inner child. Write a letter to your inner child.
Now it’s time to start believing in yourself!
Remember: Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Be patient. Keep moving forward towards the things you want most in your life.
You cannot change what happened, but you can – at any moment – start to reshape the future!
The only person who is stopping you from being you is..
YOU!
What are you waiting for?
Someday is NOT a day of the week!
Take that leap, go for what you want and don’t let those doubters and haters stop you!
Start being YOU.
The real you.
At least, that’s what I am going to do!
I am here in case you need me.
Nila 🧡
PS: Feel free to follow me along on Instagram
