You do not need to “fit in” to belong
Have you ever felt like a social chameleon? Always changing your colors depending on what environment you’re in? Never feeling that you belong?
Yeah, me too.
I used to be afraid of being me.
I learned to be a perfect chameleon. Never standing out. Never wanting to be seen or noticed. All I wanted was to “fit in”. It was easier to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be. Which always changed. So I did too. I held on to the belief that if I stood out I would get hurt again. That I would be a target. The truth is, I never really believed it was safe to belong as ME. I was rewarded for my achievements, for being a ‘good girl’, for own self-betrayal. I learned to play the game, and hid my true self away. Dozens upon dozens of friends. Parents who were proud of me but didn’t really know the real me.
So in the pursuit of “fitting in”, I missed the chance to belong.
Nila
I do not need to fit in to belong
The more inner work I do, the more I realize the extent to which I crafted my life around fitting in with those around me rather than developing my own sense of self – which is easy to do, especially if you are super sensitive like me. I’ve been on this journey home to myself for quite some time now and the layers keep unraveling. Showing me it’s safe to belong. It’s safe to attune to myself and let myself be seen. It’s safe to soften my body and trust my feelings, whether they seem “nice” or not.
I choose to accommodate myself. I choose to belong to myself, to hear myself, to attune to myself, to create safety for myself, to embrace myself in my fullness. And ultimately to live in my freedom, no matter who chooses to come with me or not.
I trust that in doing so, there are people with whom it will be safe to belong.
Brené Brown says, “I don’t think there’s anything lonelier than being with people and feeling alone.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been surrounded by people and felt completely alone. It’s hands-down one of the worst feelings. Because the logical part of you is screaming “How could you possibly feel alone right now? There are so many people to talk to!” and your heart is saying, “I don’t want to talk to anyone. No one understands me here.” I’ve found that a lot of my feelings of loneliness stem from a deeper well of unworthiness. That people don’t understand me, don’t get me, don’t see me, and don’t appreciate me. One of the only ways I’ve been able to pull myself out of the painful feelings of not belonging is to practice self-love, self-compassion and unconditional self-acceptance.
An invitation
Regardless of where you start, searching for a sense of belonging is a natural human experience. It is integral to our lives and is part of everything we do. Whether others choose to accept you or not, you can bring yourself to the table with the confidence that you belong, right where you are and just as you are. You don’t have to fit in to belong!
So I invite you to ask yourself this question: If today were your last day on earth, who would you be – wholeheartedly – if you trusted it was safe to belong?
Yes, I believe in you. I believe in us. And I ultimatelyI believe in healing.
Here’s to our willingness to be with all of it. Wholeness isn’t pretending the dark doesn’t exist, it’s gazing into it, trusting that no matter what you find, you’re worthy.⠀⠀⠀
You belong here and I am so glad you are here!
🧡
Nila
Ps: If you are looking for a simple, yet effective, tool to cultivate a more nourishing and loving relationship with yourself, feel free to have a look at the GOOD LIFE Journal that I created for people like me and you 🕊
